From My Email: New Meanings

SITCOMs: What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. Stands for: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.

STARTER MARRIAGE: A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.

SWIPED OUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

TREEWARE: Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material.

XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one’s workplace.

GOING POSTAL: Euphemism for being totally stressed out, for losing it. Makes reference to the unfortunate track record of postal employees who have snapped and gone on shooting rampages.

ALPHA GEEK: The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group.

IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials, Gary Condit, Monica Lewinsky, etc.

DEINSTALLED: Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voice mail of a Vice President at a downsizing computer firm: “You have reached the number of a deinstalled vice president. Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance. (See also, “Decruitment.”) **See also, “Decommissioned”

YUPPIE FOOD STAMPS: The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere.

BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who is responsible.

CHAINSAW CONSULTANT: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee head count, leaving the brass with clean hands.

ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the admini-sphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

404: Someone who’s clueless. From the World Wide Web error message “404 Not Found,” meaning that the requested document could not be located. Used as in: “Don’t bother asking him … he’s 404, man.”

HEADACHED: Temp widower. Spouse is not in the mood. Used as in: “I got lots of time to work on that project tonight, I got headached.”

CLM: Career Limiting Mistake. Self explanatory.

OHNO-SECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you’ve just made a CLM.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

UMFRIEND: A sexual relation of dubious standing or a concealed intimate relationship, as in “This is Sherry, my …um …friend.”

CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.

MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation’s answer to the Couch Potato.

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~ by thoughtcrime2 on January 8, 2007.

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